All I want to do is clock in, get my stuff, load it up and go get the stuff delivered, make pick-ups if applicable, come back unload, park their vehicle, clock out and go home.

If it is a route service job, start the same way, get to customer, service account and hand out any literature to the appropriate person, tell them to have a great day, repeat until all accounts serviced and then go back, clock out and go home.

That is what drivers do. That is usually how driver jobs work. 

Why the fuck with all of my experience can I not get a driving job?

Die assholes, die. 

You will when I get proof.